Friday, February 26, 2010

Abandonment

Wow. Such a strong, heart wrenching word. Abandonment. Something that at some point our adopted children are going to have to come to terms with. No matter what word you might choose to use in place of it, at some point, we will all deal with the effects of it in one way or another.

Our little Zabi, home for two months yesterday, deals with it. It isn't pretty, either. She panics when she thinks that there is a possibility that I might be leaving her. Yesterday Dad met us at the tire store to get new tires on Mo (our suburban). He was driving The Bloody Red Car (the red Focus that Chicka seemed to always get a nosebleed in, so she named it!). We met and I got out and started to put one of the car seats into the BRC while Zabi was still strapped in Mo. Wailing ensued. Once I reassured her that she was coming with me in the BRC, she stopped crying immediately. Safely buckled in BRC, I walked around the car to get in, she couldn't see me, she panicked again and started screaming. The crying stopped as soon as I got in the car. My heart hurt for her :-( My Mom came up for a few day visit and we decided to bundle up and go outside for a walk. Grandma put her hand out to hold hands with Zabi - uh huh - no doing - she started "the cry". She thought that Grandma was taking her away!

Last Friday was our first day back to Friday School - our homeschool co op. Chicka, Zabi and I walked into the girls' classroom, which I planned on staying in, also. Zabi happily went into the room and began to play. That lasted about 3 minutes. I don't know what triggered in her little mind, but she came running over to me - I had made no move to leave - and clung to me, sobbing. I moved around to each play area, trying to engage her in playing with me, to no avail. She wasn't enjoying it a bit! We left the room and calmed down, then went back in - me holding her. We were able to sit down and listen to story time, with her on my lap, with no crying. I teach a class in Hour Two, so she happily accompanied me to my class, which is what we had planned on doing anyway.

This morning as we were getting ready for school, I had an inspiration. Although I planned on staying in her class the entire Hour One, but felt that she still might not feel comfortable, fearing that I might leave her. My great idea was to take a silk scarf and tie one end to Zabi's wrist and the other end to mine. Not to keep her from running off, but as a tactile reminder that I was right there with her. Thank you, Jesus, for planting that idea in my head, because it worked like a dream! She initiated playing with many areas in her classroom, gently tugging me along behind her! Again, she came with me for Hour Two, and wanted me to tie us together again as we left my class! She had a smile on her face as we went back into the class to pick up Chicka. I think we will continue our silk scarf binding until she wants it off!
I was thinking that this idea might work even around the house for a child who is very unsure of where Mom is - one of the sweeties that is just so unsure of the new surroundings in which they find themselves when first joining their forever family! Please, if you find this idea helpful, drop me an email or a comment - I would love to know that this idea that God sparked in me has helped someone else!

Something else that Zabi did the other day made me cry. I have no idea if she witnessed or experienced what she did to her baby doll.

She lovingly tucked her baby into the crib, gave it a kiss, then tied it in. Right across the baby's chest. So it couldn't climb out. Woven through the slats and rail.


Maybe she was just practicing her knots. I think "knot".

2 comments:

Madeleine said...

This is so beautiful!!

Our Jesus is so good to give you that idea!

I love this post. Too. :)

Lori said...

Gasp...the baby doll tied into the crib. Who knows what that sweet girl witnessed in Ch..

LOVE the silk scarf idea. And down the road a bit, when she's a little more secure...you can simply give her the silk scarf to keep with her when you have to leave her for a while and it will comfort and remind her of the bond she has with you and that you WILL come back to her.

Great idea, friend!! I love it when the Lord gives us those gems! He cares SO MUCH!!